My kingdom for a kitchen

I had to go to the dining hall tonight to get dinner. Sameer went to Enterprise Tuesday so he at least was saved.

You know, I've gotten over my initial reactions to Wolfson food. First it was alright, then it was bad, then - surpisingly - it actually got to be pretty good. For the past two weeks or so it's been generally alright. Downright tasty at times. I just figure, well you know - every cook has their ups and downs. It's no reflection on the overall quality of the food. But today. People, today was just scraping the bottom of the barrel.

My favourite (that was my sarcastic voice) Spaghetti Vegenaise. The other option was Thai Pork Curry so there wasn't really an alternative. Now, as anyone who's randomly dropped into our house may know, I make Spaghetti Blogonaise at least once a week. This is because you can cook it in 15 minutes flat and its really, really hard to screw up. All you need is tin of tomato and onion mix, a bit of fresh garlic, some coriander, and chillies. All other spices, strictly optional. And it always satisfies.

So I get my Venegaise and sit down. It looks alright, nice red color. I won't deny it, I was fooled by the color. You see lovely rich colors and you think "Hmmm, spicey!" Well...

The Vegenaise consists of tomato and (I presume) onion but the bulk of it is made up by red lentils and soya mince. No train smash there. I myself have cooked tomato based vegetarian pasta with red lentils before. It does serve to bulk up your sauce.

But people, there is simply no excuse for the sheer lack of flavour that I encountered. I sat down and tasted - nothing. Well, salt tends to bring out the flavour in food, so I sprinkled on some salt. Nothing. More salt. Still nothing. Well, then I went the whole hog and sprinkled liberally with salt, pepper, and Tabasco sauce. Of course, that just made it taste like salt, pepper, and Tabasco sauce.

Mystified, I bent my head down to the plate to inhale the food smell, try to get the aroma. Aroma is the litmus test of food. Food - good or bad - can be tasted simply by leaning forward and taking a good, long sniff through the nostrils. I know this is a horrible thing to say but when I was working at HomeChoice on a Saturday morning, fasting, and everyone around me was eating McDonalds, people would say "Aren't you getting lus?" and I'd say "No, I'm tasting it right now." You know it's true! How many of you have come home from work or campus during Ramadaan, gone into the kitchen, opened up the pots, leaned forward and ..... inhaled the food. It's either just enough to satisfy you or to drive you absolutely mad.

When I leaned over my plate of food at dinner tonight I smelled absolutely nothing. Nothing!

"How?" I ask you. How on earth do you cook a meal that smells like nothing, tastes like nothing?!

I was sitting there, pushing bits of lentils and soy around thinking "By G_D I bet I can cook a Vegenaise better than this!"

Some braised onions, green peppers, mushrooms and the secret ingredient GARLIC!!! It is not so hard! What do people here have against garlic? Some fresh, crushed garlic would breath life into that food.

Oh Lord! I'm on a mission. It has never occurred to me to cook a vegetarian bolognese. I like my beef mince. I enjoy it so much I cook it every week! But now I have to do it. I have to cook a meatless bolognese because I have to prove that it can be done! Prove that there is nothing inherently tasteless about Vegenaise, about red lentils and soya. It is not impossible!